OMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGG!!!! WHEN DOES IT STOP HURTING?? seriously! when do i stop missing u?? when do i stop going over what happened a MILLION FREAKING TIMES A DAY???  when do i get it in to my head that its over? when do i get over what u did?? seriously WHEN? im officially sick of being heartbroken! AARGH! FML

I gave you love. With no conditions. No ties. No boundaries, no limits. Id pick u up when u were down. And push u higher when u were happy. Never gave you a day of grief. Never said no. never held back. Never fumbled. Never gave in to distractions. I was true. I was all I could be just to make u smile.

But it was never enough. U didn’t love me the same way. You never did. u kept me around cos u  knew I loved u. u kept me with u not for me. never for me. just for the love I showed. U wanted to be adored and I gave it to u, no questions asked. But u never loved me that way. You never looked at me. u never looked in to my eyes when u said u love me. u never made an effort. U never had to. U had me. all of me, and u threw it away. The love I could have given u for the rest of ur life. The security. The amazing sex everything. For what? The thrill of another conquest??  Another number to add to ur list of whores?

What do u think I am? Do u really think I can ever forgive u for cheating on me nine times???? Did u think that I can just let it all go like I did before? That I can forget about the videos u sent her telling her u love her??? Do u think I can ever get over seeing the man I love tell another woman he loves her? u even got the tattoo of my name on ur back DONE WITH HER??~ that’s freaking insane??! Who the hell goes to do a tattoo of ur girlfriend with ur mistress, and makes out with her in the bathroom after adding flames to my name?! sheesh. i really know how to pick them.

Im sooooooooo  moving on. Im done with insanity. Im done with love. Im done with heartbreak. im done with you.

human

Im not a god with infinite forgiveness

 Im not a rock with no feelings of my own

Im not a angel who doesn’t feel anger

 Im not a mat for u to walk all over

im not an idiot who never feels betrayal

 Im a human. I have feelings. I hurt. I cry. i. bleed

On the surface I smile and giggle at ur jokes

I hold you. I kiss you. i hold back a flood of tears

 I pretend that all Is fine

 But what happens to me when u forget that its just a brave face?

That inside my heart is breaking and that its all just an act

What happens when I’m still with u but not really there

Do u see the hurt or just the faked smile?

 What happens when I’m all alone my thoughts carry me to places

So dark that there is no way out?

When the distractions are gone and the pain is raw

Does the trust come back?

 Does the hope come back?

 Does the love come back?

Or does it wash away with each wave of emotion?

With each shower of tears?

Does the love hold strong as my world falls apart?

Does the good times we had out shine the hurt that burns inside

 Or does it feed the flames of betrayal with its mocking evil stare

 Ruining the memories I have held so dear?

Laughing at the happiness now a distant memory

 Is this love? Is this what one is meant to bear

broken dreams

You were everything to me. Id wake up to the thought of u, id fall asleep pretending to have ur arms around me and dream of being ur wife and now that dream is shattered. U ripped it out of my heart and crushed it to a million pieces. Yet here u are, begging to put it back together, mend my heart once more u say, but how can u fix something that u cant even see? U cant see how badly I hurt. U cant see the tiny pieces u broke my heart in to. Ur blind to my pain. My insanity. My anger. My bloodlust.

I do remember the happy times. I remember ur smile. The way ur eyes light up when u laugh. Then I remember that im not the only one who was blessed with that smile. Not the only one who kissed ur lips. Not the only who lusted after ur body. And it kills. It’s a million thorns in my heart. a stake knife in the gutt. Vald the impaler would be proud of the stake u stuck in my heart. How could u be so coldhearted? I just don’t get it. I just don’t understand how so much love could be ignored for the sake of a two rupee whore. I don’t get why u would let ur defenses down for someone who could never give u what I did. I stay awake all night wondering what she had. What was so special.. I just don’t get it. Why? Why? Why??? Why wasn’t I good enough? Why didn’t u love me enough? Why?

 I BURN WITH ANGER. Sometimes I just go crazy! i want to draw blood! I want to hurt u as badly as u hurt me! I want to fuck someone just to get u back but when push comes to shove I cant get u out of my head. I CANT GO THROUGH WITH IT! Even though we are not together I STILL CANT DO IT! So how could u???? how could u do it while u had my love? How could u betray me knowing u would loose me? What the hell is the point in u crying now? Dying for me now? Don’t u see its too late? Don’t u see that if I ever want to have a normal life I have to run from u as fast as I can? I want to be free! I want to flirt and be fun again. I want to feel sexy and wanted. I want sex to be fun and not a competition to the best among 36. And I can never have that with u. I will forever hold on to the image of u telling another u love her. So pls respect me enough not to say it to me now. Don’t call me names u called her. U lost the right to love me when u said those words to her. U lost the right to my love and respect. U were my hero my angel my everything. And now ur just another person who took me for granted. And I know I deserved better than what u gave me.

now u don’t have the right to ask for my love again.